My Ass Is What?
by amaXdear
Summary: Someone has been stealing Greg's Blue Hawaiian, and we all know what the means... A full investigation of the lab. Rating for implied slash. Very obviously implied, but still. Pure humor.


A/N: This is my first completed CSI fic! I've been trying to write something for weeks, and lo and behold this pops into my head last night. Pure humor, I hope you enjoy.  
**Rating**: K+ for slash.  
**Pairing**: The Love, because I love it.

* * *

"What's going on?"

"I dunno, didn't you page us?"

"No."

"It wasn't me either."

"I thought it was Grissom."

"Nah, I was with him, he's just as surprised."

"Maybe Ecklie?"

"Took the night off."

"Besides, why would Ecklie want all of us?"

The entire Las Vegas Crime Lab's night shift was gathered in the break room, all of them very confused. Shift had ended five minutes ago, and it had been such a slow night, no one would be pulling a double. They wanted to go home, but something stopped them. It was a page and/or text, which had apparently been sent to everyone. _Everyone in the break room immediately. Emergency_.

There was, of course, a loud babble of sound as everyone tried to make sense of the mysterious message. A rather loud clearing of the throat silenced them, and Greg Sanders strode to the front of the room, looking very much like an old-school detective in some corny movie, about to reveal the key to the whole mystery.

"Ah-hem. Greetings, gentlemen, ladies," he said, nodding formally, his hands clasped behind his back.

"What's this about, Greg?" Grissom asked, rolling his eyes.

"Permit me to explain. Now, as you all know, I like coffee. A lot. In fact, I spend a lot of money on _my coffee_. Mine. No matter what Grissom may theorize, I purchased the product and I alone am legally authorized to use it. As you may have noticed, the bag of coffee in the break room has my name on it. I do not permit any of you to drink my coffee, and yet every day I come in to find a full pot of it in the lab and hot cups of it in your mugs? I don't think so."

"This is about drinking your coffee? Greg, I want to go home," Catherine whined.

"Don't worry, you'll be leaving soon enough. Now, I don't like seeing my hard-earned money go to waste, but I knew that none of you would admit to taking my coffee. So, with that in mind, I decided to conduct a little experiment." Greg reached into the cabinet and pulled out his bag of beans. He was wearing latex gloves.

"Why are you wearing gloves?" Wendy asked, somewhat frightened.

"All in good time. You see, just before shift started I came into the break room and dusted this bag with talc in the form of baby powder. We're all science geeks here, so I am sure you all know that talc glows under an ultraviolet light, similar to bodily fluids and some other minerals. So, it's simple. I will turn on this light, Archie will kindly turn off the lights, and the innocents will go free."

"And the guilty one?" Mandy asked, her voice menacing.

"Will be having a little chat with me," Greg said, his voice dark. He was kind of scary. "Now, Archie, the lights please?" he asked cheerfully.

Suddenly the room was lit only by the bright purple light. The night shift employees exchanged glances, and held out their hands… except for one.

"Nick?" Greg asked, drawing out the words threateningly. Nick sighed and held out his hands. They were glowing bright blue. "I never pegged you for a thief, my friend," Greg said, shaking his head with a sigh.

"Um, Greg?"

"Yes?"

"Is there anything you'd ah, like to tell us?" Catherine looked very amused, while Greg was just confused.

"…No."

"You sure about that?" Warrick offered, the same kind of wicked glint in his eyes.

"Yeah. What?" he demanded as the entire lab started to laugh at him. Grissom turned to leave, a slight smile on his lips. He stopped at the door and turned back for a moment.

"Well, to put it bluntly, Greg… Your ass is glowing."

Greg, still confused but understanding starting to dawn, twisted his spine to check. Indeed, an unmistakable handprint was glowing bright blue on the butt pockets of his jeans. He turned pink.

"Umm… oops?"


End file.
